Wow!

My last post was on my birthday....LAST YEAR!  It is truly amazing how much things have changed since I last updated.   :)  I know, I know.  Harper Anne is 13 months old and is a firecracker to say the least.  The pictures included in this post are from her one year photo session. 

Harper Anne is a very independent, loving, energetic girl.  She absolutely LOVES to dance.  I will include a video of her dancing in my next post (which I promise will be this next week not 8 months from now).  I'm still nursing which is proving to be awesome when it comes to her being in daycare.  Yep.  She's in daycare.  I still cry when I think about this.  I don't like trusting other people with my most precious treasure.  I have a very hard time with this.  It wouldn't be so bad if she could talk and tell me what happened at her school that day or who her friends were at school.  That I could handle a little better.  Instead, I'm handing over my child to people I don't know who promise they've done their due diligence in screening their teachers and helpers.  With that said, Harper Anne is only there for about 5 hours each day and her teachers are so nice.  They really want Harper Anne to adjust well and that's proving to be harder the second week than the first.  On her first day of school, I walk in with her on my hip and we are in the lobby when the office manager asks me to sign a form.  I put Harper Anne down for a moment and was talking to the office manager when Harper Anne starts digging in her bag on the floor.  She pulls out her blanket and walks off.  That's not the kicker.  She throws her arm up and yells 'Bye'.  The office manager looks at me and asks if she heard her correctly.  I said 'yes' with a huge lump in my throat.  It was at that point, I realized she was not a baby any longer.  She had grown up.  Where in the world did she get this independence?  I blame her daddy.  :)

I went back to work but we were fortunate enough for me to be able to stay home with Harper Anne for 13 months.  It was awesome!  I love being a Registered Nurse.  Although there's so much pressure, a experienced a moment last night that made me realize what being a nurse is all about.  Last night my shift ended at 10pm.  We were filling out some paperwork around 10:45pm when the next shift's CNA came to tell us about the blood pressure of one of the patients. It was seriously elevated.  Looking through her chart and the vitals I had taken earlier, we realized that this wasn't normal so I went in and was prepared to take it again.  I knocked on her door and tried to open it.  The door had no give and wasn't opening at all.  I could tell the light was out so I called for her and she quietly told me to give her a minute.   I heard the scooting of furniture as the door finally opened.  The sweetest, most innocent face of a fearful elderly woman greeted me and apologized.  She apologized for putting furniture in front of the door but told me she was scared and isn't used to being alone. 

She has been a resident for almost 4 months and has dementia.  On her bedside table was a small shrine to her husband who had passed away a few months before she was admitted and a couple of seriously old magazines.  As I walked her back over to her bed, she began to get teary eyed telling me over and over that she was sorry.  She said that she couldn't lay down because she was so nervous.  I explained to her that we needed to take some slow, deep breaths.  She asked if I would sit with her and hold her hand.  It was at that point, I couldn't deny the similarities between her and my Meme.  My Meme had dementia, previously moved some furniture in front of her room door and was fearful at one point towards the end.  I immediately went in to granddaughter mode.  I wasn't just her nurse.  I was someone who she hoped would calm her fears and help her. 

In nursing school they always tell you that your presence is therapeutic.  I'm sure I understood this at the time but not in the capacity that I did last night.  Yes we called the doctor and yes we kept taking it to make sure that it had gone down from 216/171.  That 'stuff' got done because it's nursing 'stuff'.  The 'stuff' that I was happy to do: pray with her, share a kind word with her and give her the reassurance (along with some Ativan) that everything was going to be alright.  That kind of 'stuff' is what tells me that I'm doing exactly what I need to be doing in my life right now. 

I drove home crying.  When I got in bed to find my wonderful husband and munchkin asleep, I started to wonder if someone did those things for my Meme.  I prayed for the first time on my own last night.  Not for the very first time but for the first time in a long time.  I'm crying as I write this knowing that it probably doesn't make sense.  That's ok.  I know that up in Heaven all of my grandparents are looking down at me smiling.